Life and Reliving

Last night I was talking to my sister on the phone, she is 9 months pregnant with her first child.  A baby girl!  I am so excited to have this little girl join our family, she will be the first new baby and will make my parents grandparents.  

I was listening to my sister talk about her day and her belly and the end of the pregnancy in general, just all kind of surreal and special.  And I had this moment...  

I do this thing from time to time, I don't know how it started - I think it stems from my desire of when I die, I would like for a wish to be granted where I can go back and see some of the best moments of my life, and also go back and be able to see my parents' and grandparents' lives, when they were younger, just how everything started and led up to my life and beyond.  I think that would be a great gift and wonderful way to say goodbye to everything.  So from time to time, when I'm living a particularly wonderful moment, something I think I would like to see again in my "last wish journey", I pretend that I'm already dead.  And that I'm back here again, in this moment, reliving it.  Life changes so much through the years, we all age, some wonderful life chapters end, and before you know it years have passed by.  I think this reliving mind trick allows me to savor something with even more gratitude.  How wonderful would it be when I'm on my deathbed to really get to hear my sister's voice again, young and pregnant with her first child, describing her experiences of the day.  I just think that would be the best thing, to see these special moments again.  

I don't tend to do this reliving thing during the really big moments of my life, like not when I was saying my wedding vows or something, it tends to be the smaller, quieter times in life that it really hits me - this is the good stuff.  I realize that this is kind of a weird habit (I told someone once and they were like, wait, you pretend you're dead??), but it's not meant to be morbid, it's meant to be celebratory.  

Anyway, I told my sister at the end of our conversation last night that I had a reliving moment while on the phone with her.  As I said, she is 9 months pregnant and we were talking about the upcoming delivery and how she was feeling a little unprepared (is anybody really prepared for a coming child?), but excited about meeting her daughter soon.  I am beyond excited about this baby.  I know that she is a creation of Lauren and Jerry's love and family, but I also feel like it's an extension of our sisterhood.  There is now another little girl in our group!  I can't wait to tell her all about her mama.  

As it turns out, I was talking to Lauren on the last night of her pregnancy.  Her water broke at 2:00 a.m. this morning and she is currently in the hospital with contractions.  It breaks my heart that I am not there to greet her when she comes into this world, more so than I was expecting, and I am counting the days until I fly home in two weeks!

Little baby, come join this fabulous circus of life.