Yesterday, in my post-Christmas, back-on-my-own-couch exhaustion, I caught part of a Jim Carrey movie called "Yes Man".
I am a closet Jim Carrey fan. Well, not really even in the closet, "Dumb and Dumber" is permanently on my favorites list. I just can't help it. ("Kick his ass, Sea Bass!")
I've seen "Yes Man" in pieces before, it's entertaining and a good way to kill a couple hours. It also stars Zooey Deschanel, who seems to be a collective cultural crush these days. The premise of the movie is that Jim's character finds himself stuck in life. Same old job that he doesn't like, divorced, no social life; basically no area of his life is developed or where he wants it to be. He runs into an old friend who has expanded his own life and is happy, and he convinces Jim Carrey to try the same philosophy that he has discovered through a self-help guru - to become a "Yes Man". He decides to follow through on this same philosophy and challenges himself to say yes to every opportunity that comes his way for an entire year. This means everything he sees, everything someone offers to him, stranger or friend, big or small, he has to say yes to. Of course, this being a Jim Carrey movie, hijinks ensue. But in the end his life is overhauled, changed for the better, and expanded way beyond his previous horizons.
This approach to life really resonates with me, and it has actually become my personal philosophy over the past few years. I kind of fell into it. I am naturally a bit reserved; I can think of several opportunities I said no to in college that I really wish I had gone and done. Because it is always easier to say no and stay in the house… not jump off that cliff (sometimes literally, into water)… not get up the energy to travel to a completely unknown place with another language, culture, and exchange rate… not invest the money in experiences… or even just not want to truck all the way to a part of town that is hard to get to (truly an issue here in NYC). This kind of stuff can be tiring. You have to think about different steps that you haven't had to worry about before, you have to calculate unknown outcomes, you have to invest hard-earned money, you have to deal with being tired and hungry more often. Creature comforts could take a back seat. You have to be uncomfortable! Emotionally and mentally as well as physically. Things become less predictable. But…
I have slowly realized over the recent portion of my life that the more I say "yes", especially when I don't know exactly what the outcome will be, the happier I seem to be. The biggest and most obvious examples of this have been our moves to London and New York. Stephen and I said yes to it together. But what happened next was us actively saying yes to whatever we could get our hands on. The jumping off a cliff I mentioned before? We did that, a 25-foot cliff into a raging river. This was not an easy "yes". Neither one of us wanted to throw ourselves off a cliff with lots of unknowns. (We are supposed to aim for that dark, swirling corner of the river? How does one aim oneself while falling?? What happens then? We are supposed to grab that tiny piece of rope? Mr. Guide, do you really even know what you're doing???) That first jump was a doozy. It was high and the water was freezing. My entire head filled up with cold, English river water. But you know what? With each progressing jump that day it became a blast. It is easily one of my top memories from the UK.
Stephen, in the white cap, on our Lake District hiking/cliff jumping day:
That was a "yes" to a literal jump, but really everything in life is a yes/no/jump/stay put option. It's a 50/50 option, but the probability that my "yes" answer will lead me to something I like is a much higher percentage!
I have so-and-so friend who lives in/is traveling to New York, do you want to meet them? Yes.
There is a charity Christmas toy drive, do you want to participate? Yes.
All of lower Manhattan is without power after Hurricane Sandy. Do you want to walk up towards midtown until we find power just to see what we can see? Yes.
Do you want to join me at my church service? Yes.
Do you want to keep running and see if we can hit 8 miles today? Yes. (with practice)
Do you want to hang out with my kids and get to know children in their crazy, hyper, exhausting, wonderful state? Yes.
Do you want to climb the 43 flights of stairs up to this castle instead of taking the tram? Yes.
Do you want to hang upside-down from a trapeze and let go and have a stranger catch you? Yes.
Do you want to plunge in the freezing cold water in this Turkish bath and then the warm water to see if it really does relax the muscles? Yes. (and brrrr!)
Do you want to hold this big owl even though you are scared she will scratch your eyes out? Yes.
Do you want to talk to this chatty stranger in the dog park even if you are just not in the mood today? Yes. (mostly…)
Do you want to blog and actually have people read your thoughts and judge you? Yes. (although I appreciate the people who think my blog is terrible not leaving comments)
Do you want to blog and actually have people read your thoughts and judge you? Yes. (although I appreciate the people who think my blog is terrible not leaving comments)
Do you want to redefine your definition of home with me? Yes.
Of course not all yesses have led to positive or enjoyable outcomes. But it feels just as important for me to know what I don't like, what doesn't fit with me, as much as what does. I feel I should mention again that this philosophy does not come naturally to me. This is something I had to learn, something I had to teach myself. It can be a struggle and uncomfortable but that's the point. This is where all the best stuff in life lives!! It's not even a matter of the bigger yesses in life, those can be spread out. Daily, smaller yesses are just as important. Little steps that take me slightly out of my usual path are what add the color. I would say that in particular trying to talk to people and getting to know others in my bounce-around life right now has yielded high results. Not just looking for people exactly like me, but those who aren't.
This is my personal philosophy, and I realized that everyone is a little different and life philosophies don't always translate. But I do encourage you to do this for a set period of time for yourself, a week or a month or whatever. I promise it's a fun experiment.
